We Need to Talk About Paul Manafort's Wardrobe

I often dream about having an unlimited budget for clothes. The beautiful things I would buy…I would essentially dress like a rich woman lounging in the Hamptons, year-round. Well one of America’s least favorite (do we have favorites??) con-men, Paul Manafort, thanks to off-shore bank accounts, DID have an unlimited clothing budget. For the cool cost of 1.3 million dollars, he decided to look like a dollar store drug dealer. A garbage gangster. Clothes that scream “I’M RICH WORLD, CAN’T YOU TELL?!”. Tacky plaid blazers that looked more like Danny DeVito in “Matilda” than Nick Wooster. Snakeskin overcoats- which in reality was very clever, considering he really IS a traitorous snake. I love a good theme.

In an attempt to cover up my constant anxiety over the state of our country and its lack of leadership, I thought I would dissect a few pieces of Cheatin’ Paul’s lavish wardrobe.  I use the word “lavish” very loosely, because I really do believe this is the only wardrobe in the world that looks like it is from a Men’s Warehouse outlet sale, but for the cost of a large home. BEEP BEEP, HERE COMES THE FASHION POLICE (followed by the real police- enjoy prison, Paul!!)

 

THE OSTRICH JACKET- $15,000

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When I first heard of this infamous ostrich jacket, I envisioned something grand, possibly with feathers and proper tails. What I didn’t expect, was the bomber jacket of 90% of taxi drivers- and even that’s offensive to hardworking taxi drivers everywhere. This man, who’s supposed to be the “best of the best”, was swindled into buying a coat that looked like every teenage “bad boy” in every movie, that hangs out behind the bleachers saying things like “do you always do what your parents tell you to?”. Honestly the sales associate that sold him this piece deserves our utmost respect, possibly even an award.

PYTHON COAT- $18,500 (LOL)

You know the saying “you look like a million bucks!”? This looks like a craigslist coat being advertised for an upcoming estate sale. I truly want to know where he intended to wear this, other than some underground speakeasy at 2am meeting with Ukrainians-actually this purchase totally makes sense now. Let’s carry on.

The Plaid Suits- $15,000

The boxy fit of these suits is a felony alone. You could fit four Jared Kushners in just one of these blazers. We could house a small family coming across the border under one of these, but honestly, they’ve already had it hard enough and shouldn’t have to endure any further trauma. Anyone who says that letting immigrants into the U.S. is horrific, hasn’t seen one of these suits. Next.

The Double Breasted Blazer- $$ unknown, but to be honest anything over $100 is too much for this

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Remember that episode of “The Office”, where Michael accidentally wears a women’s suit? It seems that Paul got lost on his way to "Alan Couture" and ended up at an "Ann Taylor". Hillary wore it better. So did Michael Scott.

THE CASUAL WEAR- $48,500+

Paul Manafort’s casual wear is that of a dad that never shows up to his kids soccer games when he says he will. Poor kids, but it’s even sadder for the lizard used to make a $48,00 jacket, that looks like I pulled it from a bin at Mr. Alan’s.

 

While this was a fun exercise in fashion-policing someone who was wanted by actual police, let it serve as a reminder that every.single.voice.matters. I understand that Paul Manafort wasn’t an elected official, but he had a hand in electing someone who is. We get to choose the type of people that represent us as a country, in Washington, and in our own states and cities. The people that really make a difference, are us, the people. Oh, it’s also a lesson that money can’t buy taste. But I think we established that back at “Python coat”.  

The Slip

It took me a long time to get on board with "lingerie dressing". I'm still bitter at the Victoria's Secret sales lady that showed me a bra when I was 7 and said, "just a few more years until you need one of these!!". I am pretty positive she cursed me "Sleeping Beauty" style, because it's 18 years later and I'm still waiting to really need one (let's be honest).

However, my belief system changed when I saw Vetements S/S '16. After seeing the most insanely gorgeous slip dress, I started seeing them as a sexy staple, instead of chincy and sleazy (and not in the good, party Ke$ha way). 

             Slip Dress: Uniqlo (similar  here ) // Sleeveless turtleneck: Asos (similar  here ) // Pink Pouch:  Glossier  packaging FTW. 

             Slip Dress: Uniqlo (similar here) // Sleeveless turtleneck: Asos (similar here) // Pink Pouch: Glossier packaging FTW. 

Here's the thing: a slip dress (or camisole dress) can go from simple and chic, to after-hours at Déjà Vu REAL QUICK. So how do you avoid looking like you just ran away from a bad rap video? Layers. Try pairing with a sleeveless turtleneck like I did here, a bodysuit, tee-shirt, or even an oversized sweater over it for a silk-skirt effect. My new dinner go-to is to pair mine with a lacey bralette, delicate necklaces and an oversized trench. 

                                             (Blogging requires a lot of walking.. does this count towards my daily steps?)

                                             (Blogging requires a lot of walking.. does this count towards my daily steps?)

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The key is to not look like you're wearing the slip dress by mistake when you woke up late from binge watching "Love It or List It" all night (SPOILER: THEY NEVER LIST IT.) They're effortless, versatile, and undeniably sexy.

If anything, slip dresses are the ultimate excuse to abuse the saying "Let me SLIP into something more comfortable". It's my most used pun at the moment, and also probably why my boyfriend is screening my calls. Looking good and feeling powerful (and having fire puns) might just be worth it. 

A Little Shoulder, A Long Way

 

When I first became infatuated with fashion, it was all about fun. I would mix my oversized Tweety Bird tee, ruffle socks and jellies and would not even think twice that my outfit wasn't on POINT and that I wasn't flexing on my fellow first-graders. 

But as you get older, you are just beginning to scratch the surface of becoming who you want to be, and you can get very easily influenced by friends, trends and in my case, whatever they were wearing on The O.C. (Marissa Cooper is still my style icon). 

I've gone through so many style lives, and still do from day-to-day. However, the biggest lesson I've learned over the years is that sexy does not mean one thing. It does not always mean short skirts (re: college pics), low cut tops (re:re: college pics) and un-walkable heels. It can be covered up, it can be baggy, and it can even be a little silly. 

Enter: This Shirt

I love the silliness of the culotte, but the undeniable sexiness of an exposed shoulder. The perfect union of covered/uncovered. 

We shot these in Florida on vacation-AKA a trip made so I could wear this shirt sooner.

 

 

In college, I presumed that the more skin I showed, the sexier I was. But I never actually felt sexy, and I really still don't a good 99% of the time. But trust me when I say a little shoulder goes a long way. I remember wearing mentioned Tweety Bird shirt in first grade, and being told on by a male classmate because my shoulder was showing. Well, eat your heart out, John*

 

*Name has been kept exactly the same. Not afraid to call him out 19 years later.