When were engaged, Michael and I heard from so many couples: “the first year of marriage is the best of your life!”. But what we rarely heard, was the honesty of all the changes that come with being a newly married couple. Instagram photos and tributes to our spouses can be deceiving, so today, on our first wedding anniversary, I wanted to write my version of a love letter to my husband.
One year ago, Michael and I got married. It truly was the happiest day of our lives. I didn’t think I could love him any more than in the moments we exchanged our personal vows. We went on our honeymoon in Hawaii, embraced in marital and tropical bliss. Our first Christmas together was magical, and I loved ringing in 2018 with a bottle of champagne from the comfort of our own couch. The marital rumors were true- I was happier than I had ever been.
In the Spring, Michael and I started to get restless. We had been living in our rented condo for almost two years at this point, and were looking ahead to the future in terms of our careers. We knew it was time to start making moves. We imagined staying in the area, buying a house, getting a dog, or FIVE! Or maybe we would move to a big city and live the life for a few years. It was on my lunch hour one day in March that Michael called me and said he was put up for a great new position in Las Vegas. Through the decision to take the job and move, our marital bliss slowly faded away. When faced with a big, life-changing decision- that’s when our marriage got real. By April, we packed up the condo and moved our things across the country. I moved in with my parents, and Michael commuted back and fourth between Detroit and Las Vegas. Tensions were high, the situation was less than ideal. Michael loved his new job, but I was weary of a new home and career uncertainty.
We finally made the full move in July, and while things have been exciting and new, some days have been a struggle. It isn’t this cinematic picture of marriage, romantically eating pizza on the floor surrounded by moving boxes. The image I had in my head of what marriage should look like wasn’t matching our reality. It made me wonder if we were failing in our first year.
Looking back on the past year, I now can see with full clarity, that my marriage is perfectly real. In the times that we struggled, that was when we decided how we will be as husband and wife. After every serious talk or disagreement, my husband showed me beautiful comfort and unconditional understanding. I gave him compassion and unwavering faith. I truly feel that we both emptied ourselves for one another in this year, in the most wonderful way possible. Here today, in a coffee shop on the other side of the country, I can honestly say that I love Michael more today than I did on our wedding day. There is no Instagram tribute or Facebook post that could explain how closely I will hold this year to my heart. I will look back on the days I came home crying (didn’t have to look back very far, as it was probably last week), losing faith in myself and my career, only to be laughing an hour later, feeling completely renewed by viewing myself through my husbands’ eyes.
There is no perfect marriage. You’re going to argue, disagree, maybe even slam a door (I’m an Italian Aries, sorry!!!). Life is great when it’s moving smoothly and seamlessly. House, dog, steady job. But if you’re lucky, it’s in the moments of change, the moments of complete uncertainty and risk, that you really realize how wonderful love and marriage can be. It was in the struggle that I truly saw how beautiful our life will be together. Not because we’re perfectly married. But because for the first time, I feel that we both gave each other absolutely everything we had. And in return? We made a life, together. When they say “the honeymoon is over!”, good. That’s when the good part really begins.
In our vows, I told Michael that he is my greatest gift. It’s never been truer than it is today. Happy first anniversary, Michael.